Sandra's Thoughts

A letter to myself 

Dear me in 5 years,

I hope this letter finds you well and happy. If so, it means that whatever was ailing you today the 7th day of February no longer hurts and you don’t even remember it. I would like you to know that you are strong and can go through it all with grace like royalty. I urge you to never forget because these are the teachable moments that shaped you to who you are. This girl lying in bed on a tear soaked pillow might be dead when you get this but i urge you to remember her sacrifices and struggles to get you the life you live today. She is all alone in her pain but i hope you aren’t.. I hope you got the man i always knew you would. I hope you remember this phrase…. “all i see is red, red all over!” because  that’s how you’ll know it is him.

I hope everyone is doing fine. Is mum okay? Did dad finally change for the better? What about lil siz??? Did she ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened? I hope they all made it there. Don’t feel bad when reading this because i never want you to again. I cannot see into the future but i know we did well for our self. I always knew you had it in you.

It hurts…. It hurts so bad my dear… All that is here is darkness and sadness but i won’t give into it. I won’t let go for you because without me there is no you… Please know that i am always praying for you and that you will never be alone regardless of the situation. I will watch over you and tell you when you go wrong. I don’t want you to think of me often because you might get sad and i would hate that. Tell everyone you meet about me with a smile on your face because i will make sure that you are successful.

Do we have any kids? I hope we do. Tell them that i love them and that they are the reason i stay strong…. so that we can give them what we never had. I hope he is there with you. Tell him i have loved him since i first met him and that i was his biggest fan. Also tell him that he needs a publicist because he is super talented. I hope you also made that dream of ours a reality. There is something about that particular dream that always made me feel jolts of energy through my body. I hope that my hard work eventually pay off. Did you finally wear that gown that mum keeps asking for? Did you like it? I hope it was all worth it in the end….

Finally i want to tell you what i heard today…. Repeat this daily; I own it, they love it. Do what you love without shame or apology because they won’t always understand it. As long as it makes you happy, own it. I will try to make this end better so that end has nothing but love and positive vibes only. Hope you always remember to love yourself even there is nothing but hate all around… The reason i won’t be joining you is because i don’t think there is a place for the type of baggage i carry. I want you to be happy and light so that you can enjoy what i never could. Take me with you in your memory as a lesson not a ghost… I love you my love…. I always will….

Sincerely,

You from the past.

XoXo

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “A letter to myself 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s