I have always been protected from the world and i grew up thinking that life would always be that way forever. Shock on me when i got to campus and realized that things can’t always be handed to me. So here i am, from a good family (broken but still good) landing onto a new phase in my life. A lot of things happen that i will share as we get to know each other better (😉) but this one in particular is of a series of events that made me learn a really valuable lesson.
My friend Hellen introduced me to some friends of hers and we started going to say hi once in a while. Our school was not those city campuses where people had a hundred places to go and a million things to do. We made due with what we had, simple as it was. Every time we went to visit a deck of cards was removed from storage and shuffled. I never learnt how to play the game granted that i have no brothers and my dad isn’t big on games. The only knowledge i had of cards was the probability questions i used to solve in high school.
I remember always refusing to be drawn in but they always did the opposite. I have come to realize one thing about me, if i am not interested in something i wont give it my attention. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter if my heart is not in it. I must have played almost fifty games and not once did i win. I knew i wasn’t good and i remember always telling people that i wasn’t going to win. It was as if i had branded myself a failure in the game. I was doomed from the start.
One day however my friend told me, ‘Stop pretending, i know you know how to play but you are not even trying’. I am paraphrasing of course but he made me feel the worst guilt i have ever felt. I had heard the rules a million times, i had watched equally as many techniques to play the game but i still held onto the belief that i sucked. I soon realized that i was my own anchor. I was pulling myself down and for what? Because i felt like it wasn’t my thing. Believe it or not i played the next game and i won. I won all games that were played the remainder of the time we were there. Over the next years i have played hundreds of games and i have won many of them. At least this time i never lost for lack of trying.
My point here is that i have always had plenty of issues in my life and when i told myself i couldn’t do it, i always failed. I always get what I want regardless of how long it takes because i have a fire burning in me to get things done but the moment my heart is no longer in it, it all falls to pieces. I am sometimes my own worst enemy because i fail to try and i end up disappointed and letting those who care about me down. This year i purpose to defy the odds and make the things i have neglected a priority. I no longer want to be a spectator in my own life. I want to live, and make things happen as i used to. I no longer want things to be handed to me because i see how weak that has made me. I want to see how my different approach to life can transform my life for the better.